September 10, 2013
Well, after practically being given a death sentence of one year yesterday, today has been such an up and down day.
I had radiation scheduled for 9:00 am and triple biopsy (not bypass, but biopsy) today at 10:30 am. Well, Dr. Kelley, the radiation oncologist wanted to see me after my treatment. Not an unusual thing, since he sees all radiation patients once a week and I had just completed by 5th treatment. He explained that he has been talking with Dr. Aljadir, my medical oncologist, about my case and they really thing the biopsies today are going to show just multiple myeloma and not lung cancer. If that is the case then Dr. Kelley says that three treatments with the CyberKnife will take care of the lung cancer and there is a 95% cure rate and it never comes back. (Emotion 1: Relief)
I then asked him about the size of the tumor on my T12 spine. He showed me a CT scan picture and that tumor is taking up over 1/4 and almost 1/2 of my vertebra. For the first time I realized that if it is allowed to progress it could cause paralysis if it gets into the spinal cord. (Emotion 2: Being really scared)
So, then I went to the IR (Interventional Radiology) for the biopsies. I was so distressed that the wonderful nurse who has taken care of me the other two times, Tammy, hugged me and let me cry. (Emotion 3: Relief at being able to say how scared I was and being comforted)
Then the doctor came in and said he was not going to do biopsy on T-12. (Emotion 4: Anger) I explained as calmly as I could to the doctor (and I was not very calm) that I was weary and exhausted and financially hurt by having to come back for biopsies all the time and now they were not going to do one of the biopsies. Besides the toll that it takes on my body (my blood pressure goes up to about 238/105 every time I go in there, even with medication), having to have the different parts of my body invaded as they take tissue and/or bone pieces during the biopsy, and financially the fact that it costs me $150 copay for every one of these procedures, the emotional impact is just dragging me down. And now he tells me he is not going to do one of the three biopsies that the doctor asked them to do.
I then pulled out my doctor's orders and asked this doctor if that meant that this paper was not worth anything!!! I was so mad. Then he said something that brought on another emotion (Emotion 5: Thankfulness). He said as a doctor he has to "First, do no harm". He went on to explain that there was a certain risk to doing the biopsy on the T-11. That I could be totally paralyzed from the waist down (Emotion 6: Fear) Just didn't realize that danger existed in doing the biopsy.
They gave me Versaid and another drug so I was not in pain and did not remember the biopsy on my hip. I was awake off and on while they did the biopsy on the lymph node. But it didn't hurt. When I went to recovery and found out that I could finally eat today (had not had anything to eat or drink since midnight last night and it was now 3:00 pm) I had the final emotion of the day (Emotion 7: Happy). I was happy that I could eat.
Oh, yes, and Keith was able to visit the medical oncologist office and reschedule my appointment with him to Monday, September 16 instead of the following Friday. So we will find out all the results that morning. (Emotion 8: Relief)
So yes, this was a day of ups and downs, highs and lows... well, you get the picture.
I am already so tired of all this running and I told Keith today that I could see why some people just give up and don't want to pursue treatment any more. Not that I am there at all, but I just can see why after a few years that a cancer patient can get to that point. This trying to get well is exhausting, taxing on your body, and very well worth it!
So, now I will be posting again on the 16th after I get the results.
I hope everyone's day has been smoother than mine. In fact, I hope you have had an excellent day!!!
Still trusting the Lord. I can do all things, through Christ, who strengthens me. Thank you Lord, for this promise. Please help me to remember it in all situations.
Keep your chin up, Everyone.
Love to all,
Jean
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